10 Easy Flirt Tips

Flirting's a language - and just like with any other language, no one's born a fluent flirt. If you want to know how to flirt like a pro, you've got to learn the signs. Follow these flirt tips and practice till you're an expert flirt.
1. Choose Your Targets
You don't have to have a crush on someone in order to flirt. Practice flirting with random people you see every day - people who might not even be on your dating radar - on order to hone your skills. That way, you'll have some flirting experience under your belt when you approach the people who really matter.

2. Have an Opening Line

Heart-breaking in a relationship

Unfortunately, it's not all wine and roses when it comes to love. Ecstasy, euphoria, elation and contentment may be accompanied by jealousy, rage, rejection, and hatred.

Falling in love may have evolved because people who focus their attention on a single ideal partner save time and energy, therefore improve their chances of survival and reproduction. Unfortunately, this also means people are pre-disposed to terrible suffering when jilted by their beloved.

Painful emotions develop when the reward centres of the brain, associated with the dopamine high of falling in love, fail to get their hit. Paradoxically when we get dumped we tend to love back even harder, as the brain networks and chemicals associated with love increase. First we protest and attempt to win the beloved back. Panic also kicks in as we feel something akin to the separation anxiety experiences by young mammals abandoned by their mothers.

Then love can turn to anger and hate, as the regions associated with reward are closely linked to rage in the brain. Finally when jilted lovers are resigned to their fate, they will often enter into prolonged periods of depression and despair.

These negative emotions can spawn anything from obsession and domestic violence to stalking and even murder of supposed loved ones.

While such behaviours may be classed as pathological, and perhaps rare, the truth is that they are closer to home than we dare contemplate. Passion's thrills resemble obsessive-compulsive disorder, but in some people, love can conjure up something much more sinister.

The chances of a relationship succeeding would seem to be difficult to predict, but one study suggests that divorce may be partially genetically predetermined. There are even mathematical formulas for predicting the chances of divorce - and for equitably dividing up possessions.

Nevertheless, psychologists have some simple tips for making our relationships last.

Love evolution

The various forms of love probably have a common evolutionary beginning, so where are scientists looking? Maternal love seems a good place to start. Biologically it makes perfect sense. In animals which help their offspring to survive, the bond is essential to passing the mother's genes on to the next generation.

Again oxytocin may have an important role in the development of a bond between a mother and child. Another hormone, prolactin, may prime both mothers and fathers for parenthood.

Unlike maternal love, monogamous bonds between males and females are pretty rare in mammals. Less than 5% are monogamous, and there is no clear pattern to help explain why it occasionally appears. Monogamy, it appears, is mostly for the birds.

It seems that in those rare mammals that do practise it, evolution stole the biochemistry and neural tricks that bond mother to infant and reinstalled them, so as to bind male and female together. One study of prairie voles shows that a species could be turned from promiscuous to devoted with a change in a single gene related to vasopressin.

Whatever romantic love's origins and purpose, long-term relationships are certainly important in keeping us content and happy.

And love is not only restricted to partnerships between men and women. Though gay relationships are different in some ways, they could be the glue that holds societies together.

Gisele Bündchen: Earth Mother

The most famous model in the world and the most famous quarterback in America live in a small building in the center of Boston. A tiny elevator opens into a massive loft. Patricia, Gisele's shorter, blonde twin sister, greets me with “Don't look at her.” She's pointing down at Lua, a bull-terrier mix who just might bite.

I can't see Gisele Bündchen. In a wide living room, between two slate fireplaces, cradling a six-week-old baby in a deep armchair, is a slight, fine-boned woman. With skinny thighs in taupe jeans, socks that barely cover the ankles, UGG mules, and a cotton sweater, this is not the towering Amazon queen of fashion famous for her glare, mane, and swagger. She seems as ethereal as Audrey Hepburn when she was Rima the bird girl in Green Mansions, as expressive as Julia Roberts in mid-grin, as unearthly as a Na'vi. Her hair is pulled back into a careful pillbox of a bun, and her ears stick out a little. The pinup goddess who was the emblem of Victoria's Secret is breast-feeding her baby and a little embarrassed about exposing her breast in front of me.

She talks in a low, grainy voice with a soft accent in a rush of words, interrupts her own flow to ask the baby, “O que é que foi?”—“What is it?” To which the baby happily replies in a well-modulated series of gurgles.

The baby is called Benjamin Rein: “I wanted him to be called River because I wanted something always flowing, immortal. My husband said, ‘There's no way we're going to call him River.’ But my father's name is Reinoldo, so it's a homage to him. And it's like water.”

Benjamin was born at home, in warm water in a deep bathtub that overlooks the Charles River. “I wanted to experience the transformation,” says Gisele. A midwife friend of hers came in from Brazil as did her mother; her husband was there too. Gisele meditated through the birth. “It was the most amazing experience of my life, feeling him come through my body. And once he was born, I never felt so empowered as looking at him and thinking, Oh, my God, we did it together!”

She was up the next day, cooking and wandering around the vast apartment where her mother is staying in the guest room to help out—“I don't trust anyone else with Benjamin.” She's regained her figure, apparently instantly and with no more exercise than some yoga on a mat in the living room. “I think it's muscle memory,” she says. Gisele has always been in shape: Born one of six girls in the German-speaking hamlet of Horizontina in southern Brazil, she spent her childhood outdoors, “like a little monkey, jumping from tree to tree in bare feet.” An athlete, she was captain of her volleyball team and hasn't stopped. “I did kung fu up until two weeks before Benjamin was born, and yoga three days a week. I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds.”

Her idea of family is a big family. “I'm so lucky to have my little munchkin, and I have two because I also have John.” John, a.k.a. Jack, is her stepson, now two and a half, born to Bridget Moynahan after Moynahan's breakup with Tom Brady. The press went wild last year when Gisele said she loved Jack as her own. He spent the end of the Christmas holiday with them. “We don't see him all the time, unfortunately, but we're building a place in Los Angeles to be closer to him.” For the last three years, she's vanished with Brady each winter for a month into her house in the jungle in Costa Rica.

At 29, the last and richest of the supermodels has given in to her preference for the inner life. Gisele has sold her New York town house. “I'm really a Bostonian now,” she says, with all the sober, studious implications of that move: “I get to work on all my projects and have time to immerse myself in all the things I'm so passionate about.” Within the year she will have launched three beauty products designed to alter the self-image of young women—a line called Sejaa. Seja means “to be” in Portuguese. She added the extra a because, she says, “words have a vibration, and aaah! is an exhalation, what you feel when you let go.”

She's been an activist for years: In 2003, having spent time with Amazonian Indians who were being sickened by runoff waters poisoned as a result of deforestation, she arranged with the Brazilian firm Grendene to produce a collection of flip-flops under her name. The profits go toward replanting the Amazonian forest. That endeavor still goes on, and so far 25,000 trees have been replanted. With her family she started Projeto Água Limpa to clean up the river near Horizontina. An ecologically conscious comic book is also in the making: Gisele and the Green Team. Recently named a U.N. goodwill ambassador for environmental issues, Gisele is working those very problems into the story lines of the comic, whose profits will go to her foundation, the Luz. The foundation sponsors everything from yoga in schools to reforestation. Her Web site is already full of environmental advice, much of it dispensed by a cartoon version of Vida the Yorkie, her lapdog. Bündchen is contained, discreet, probably strategic but supremely elegant in her behavior. Not once in three hours does she mention that she has just given the Red Cross $1.5 million for Haiti.

Gisele has not left the apartment for six weeks. “Too cold,” she says, pointing her chin at the winter rain beyond the window. A fire crackles in one of the fireplaces; the possibly dangerous dog Lua settles at my feet; Vida the Yorkie flops onto the carpet. Patricia brings tea and cashew clusters; she is Gisele's Brazilian agent and also runs the Web site, and she has come up for a few days to meet the baby. The place feels intimate, safe. Gisele's mother is napping; Brady, recuperating from a knee operation, is at a charity event for the Boston Centers for Youth & Families, where he'll alarm the press by announcing, “We're all way overpaid.” He'll be home in two hours.

Bündchen kept herself out of the public eye for months. “I felt like my pregnancy was a sacred moment for me. I stayed in Boston and I didn't work apart from the contracts I have, and then I only let them use my face.”

Today she left the apartment and the baby for the first time to pose for one of her advertising clients, which explains the chignon. “I got to the studio and I felt like I was E.T.—whoa, what's going on? Hair and makeup? I hadn't looked at myself in a mirror for a month and a half. I'd been in my house, in a cocoon with my kids, my husband, my dogs. Usually, as I walk through the door into that atmosphere, I already feel different. There's a button that goes On and I'm On. And when I go On, there is almost no me; there is just a character who is doing all this. This time it wasn't like that. I've been really inside with my husband and my baby, and everything is changed. But the client still deserves respect and professionalism, and I got a little bit concerned because I wasn't feeling it. Makeup was done, hair was done, and I looked in the mirror and I still wasn't seeing the person who's a model.”

“Who was the woman you saw in the mirror?” I ask.

“For the first time, I think I actually saw me—the inside—instead of the persona.”

The persona turned up for the second photo, much to the relief of the photographer David Sims and the Brazilian client.

Gisele started early; by fifteen she was in a “model apartment” in New York, or folded into airline coach seats to go to model in Italy, France, Japan. There's a small tattoo of a star inside her left wrist. “My grandmother told me and my sisters that everyone has a special star. I looked at my star every night before bed, just like brushing my teeth. When I came to New York and I opened the window of the thirty-fifth-floor apartment, there's light pollution and fog, and I couldn't see my star. So I drew it on my wrist with a pen, but it kept washing away. Then I went to a tattoo parlor on Second Avenue and had it done. It was something I had been missing, and now, no matter where I went, it came with me.”

She consciously created the Gisele persona as she started to become a star herself. “I was in the fashion shows in Milan, I was seventeen, I was doing like 100 shows. People were asking, ‘How does it feel to be the model of the moment?’ It was hard for me to answer as myself. I barely spoke English. I thought, I have to give my best because they trust me with that. I invented this other person, and she could do everything. She wasn't afraid; she was able to be ballsy and risky and sexy or androgynous. She was bold. I had to believe in myself as this person that was strong, up-front, invincible, and positive, who knew what she was doing, even though I really didn't.

“I've worked for fourteen years, but I don't think anybody in the business really knows me, because there is that other person.”

Gisele Bündchen's private life has kept its mystery, and she's let her avatar, the übermodel, take all the flashbulbs. Some years ago, when she felt that her life was nothing more than “get up, take pictures, go to sleep, get up, take pictures,” she took off six months. She also logged on to Amazon.com and typed in SPIRITUAL BOOKS, which led to a passion for the writings of Miguel Ruiz, which taught her to rely on her own instinct: “The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the stronger you become, and the happier you become.”

Three years ago, when Gisele met Tom Brady, she moved up to Boston to be with him. It was a vocational as well as an emotional turning point.

“I'm a person who normally works 300 days a year, and here I am in Boston in this apartment and Tom's playing, and what do I do here? On my Web site, a lot of girls were asking me questions about feeling awkward. I wanted to work with girls who were fourteen to sixteen.” She wanted to be heard and chose the Massachusetts Alliance of Portuguese Speakers—“They take care of girls from shelters, girls who have been abused. I came up with a nine-week program and went to talk to them about empowerment and self-esteem.”

It was a shock.

“I thought I was going to be able to save them, guide them. When I got there they were like, ‘Who are you?’ There were a lot of Latina and black girls. In Brazil, everyone is a mixture, and no one thinks about it. In America, maybe you have more problems with that. It took me a week or two just to get them to sit down with me and talk. I had my yoga teacher come up from New York to teach them yoga. I wanted to share something, but I ended up realizing that you cannot save anybody. I forced it, and it didn't quite go through.”

Sejaa was born of that frustration, as a way for Bündchen to impart some of what she has learned, but by subliminal means.

“I wanted to teach girls to love themselves and take care of their bodies. What is the first thing you see every morning? Your face! What do you put every day on your face? Cream! I have made the simplest, purest cream—an everyday cream—but it comes with an affirmation.”

Her manufacturers, she says, “were ready to kill me. I wanted the cream to be organic—they explained that if it's organic, it's alive, and that means it can't survive for a long time.” The products are now called “natural,” the ingredients are held to a high standard of purity, and the preservative is coconut oil.

She also wanted a mud mask. A real mud mask.

“When I was a teenager, I had pimples—oh, God, every time someone looked at my face I thought they were looking at my pimples. I put mud on my face to dry them out, and it worked.

“I can do all this because I'm financing it on my own terms, and if I want to give away 5 percent of everything I make, no one can tell me not to.”

Sejaa will not be sold in stores but on a Web site, to create a community—“So I can give my little tips, and it's not me telling anyone to have an awakening.”

There's a noise in the front hall.

“It's my hubbeeeeeee!” says Gisele.

Into the dark room comes Tom Brady. He's tall, with a deep voice, the face of a young boy, and longish hair. Wearing a dark-blue zipped-up sweater, he treads the carpet with sweetly controlled impatience. Vida the Yorkie wakes from her slumber and goes berserk. Some swift Tom Brady moves prevent Vida from pissing with joy on the carpet, but the interview is going to be cut short. Patricia brings in the packaging for Sejaa, a recycled-cardboard box with an interesting sliding tab that reveals different—empowering—keywords behind it, and inside, three products: the day cream, a night cream, and the mud mask, along with a bamboo washcloth.

Gisele hands Benjamin to Patricia, rises, and unfolds, all length and purpose, and gets me moving: I'm whisked across the hall to receive a bunch of Miguel Ruiz books in the open kitchen, taken to another floor to see the baby crib and the vast collection of essential oils that have gone into Sejaa, then kissed and hugged before she bathes Benjamin.

There are two secrets, says Gisele on parting:

“The first is wake up in the morning and be grateful you are here, alive and healthy. And the second is: Give.”

I follow Patricia's cowboy boots back up the stairs. The rain is still pelting down, black and icy. “How do I call a cab?” I ask.

No need for a cab. Tom Brady drives me back to my hotel

Why Do Some Men Deny Masturbating?

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Are you serious? I've never met a man who denied masturbating. Ever. In this or any previous life. If I did, I would get the hell away from him as soon as possible, because the only explanation would be that he was an ax murderer with a shrine to Brittany Murphy in his bedroom, with someone's severed head on top.

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Comedians who break taboos talk about it, but the rest of us try to avoid the subject. In school you could never have admitted to buffing the banana, because it would have been like telling the whole 8th grade class you have body lice and skid marks. Goodbye friends, hello nicknames! In hindsight it seems like giving yourself a low-five would have been something to brag about -- like growing facial hair -- but we didn't get any guidance from parents, friends, or the media. Maybe it's religious shame still choking our society: on TV, everyone's getting laid, but nobody jerks off. So until that taboo is lifted, we'll continue to deny that we punch the munchkin, butter the corn, shake hands with the midget, or pat the robertson.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Until maybe very recently, nearly all depictions of male masturbation have made it seem like the most disgustingly pervy, unhealthy, immature, and (worst of all) desperate thing a man can do. For instance, think about the archetypical dirty old man in a trench coat, or the loser characters in Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Something About Mary. When men in relationships do it, they or their partners often see it as "cheating." Theologically, masturbation has been held to be a worse sin (a mortal sin with automatic damnation) than rape (a venal sin that can be repented!). Medically, masturbation was until very recently believed, no kidding, to lead to insanity and early death. Legally, it's historically been punished the same way sodomy was -- with floggings, branding, and even hanging! Politically, just a few years ago the U.S. Surgeon General was fired for suggesting it was okay for adolescents to learn about in sex ed. Even today, the fact that every heterosexual porn scene ends with the male actors rubbing out a "money shot" doesn't make us feel more like admitting it. And that's just the short answer! In retrospect, all that hoopla to discourage male masturbation seems foolish, as does the similar discouragement women got. Even though the stigma's evaporating pretty quickly, it's understandable that a lot of men -- and a lot of women -- are still reluctant to admit to it.

Avoiding A Love Break Up - It Is Possible

Hey are you nervous you are heading for or going via a love break up? Is that sick empty feeling starting to type in the pit of your stomach? Are you finding your self talk is constantly focused on your relationship? Yeah? Then I can relate to what your going by way of I have been down that highway, an unsure future without your partner generally is a scary proposition, nevertheless it doesn’t should be this way! avoiding a love break up is feasible “WARNING” it will take you out of your consolation zone.

You’ll need to take action proper now the longer you delay the higher the possibilities of a everlasting break up happening. To start you could know your want to save lots of your relationship is amicable, opening the doors to communication is the only place to begin. This means “TALK” some one must take the lead and seen you’re looking for solutions my pal that ball is in your court. “Hey I never said avoiding a love break up can be straightforward”, there are signs your relationship is heading for the again door and I don’t have to spell them out to you your not silly otherwise you would not be here.

So approach your associate and share your issues and emotions and keep in mind that is share time not blame communicate from a space of love not anger. All you’re doing is making it clear to your accomplice that you’re concerned that issues are not nicely in your relationship. “LISTEN” to what your accomplice has to say they may have had related considerations however given the circumstances communications between one another will have been restricted stopping them from being open with you in the past.

There might be things your accomplice will level out that you’ll not want to hear, never the less don’t be defensive. Bear in mind you took the initiative so stay calm so the dialog stays positive, if you lose the plot things will solely flip ugly.The conversation needs to end with some type of commitment to one another to begin taking measurable actions and I do not imply jumping in the sack having great sex and thinking each things now OK, there will likely be private changes to be made by each parties.

When avoiding a love break up things aren’t at all times going to go smoothly there are certain to be bumps an extended the street to making up, however if you happen to look there are particular strategies and advise that can assist you cope with these situations. I do know things aren’t good now, the actual fact you’ve read this far means you aren’t sure of the future. “Ah if solely I knew again then what I do know now issues may need been completely different” These aren’t words you might be eager to lament years from now. Now I’m no Dr. Phil so I urge you to seek worthy advise as your relationship deserves a lot more consideration than this article can give it.
In case your struggling together with your relationship or going through a break up and have a burning want to reunite with the one you’re keen on, you will need key methods!

Marilyn Manson Loses His Makeup, Gains a Mullet

Believe it or not, the mullet-wearing man in this photo is actually controversial shock-rocker and performance artist Marilyn Manson.

The 41-year-old (real name: Brian Warner) is rarely seen without his goth-like heavy white makeup, black-rimmed eyes, and red lips, so why is he sporting such a distinctly all-American look in this photo?

According to Interview magazine's website, which published the photo, it's because Manson is a huge fan of a certain TV show.

Interview reports that Manson is a "diehard" fan of HBO's "Eastbound & Down," the critically worshiped comedy starring Danny McBride as a washed-up former baseball star whose trademark mullet and angry face Manson is imitating in this photo.

Interview's reporter Hunter Stephenson was intrigued when he found out from "Eastbound" creators that Manson is "obsessed" with the show and its sporting protagonist, Kenny Powers. So he asked a director currently working with Manson about it.

"Whenever I see Manson, he's repeating entire chunks of dialogue and dressed like Kenny," Adam Bhala Lough, who's directing Manson in the upcoming film "Splatter Sisters," told Interview. Lough went on to say that Manson dresses like "Eastbound" character Kenny Powers all the time, and provided this photo, credited to Manson himself, as "evidence."

While it's completely believable that Manson would be a fan of the hilarious "Eastbound" -- despite his freakish exterior, Manson does have a decent sense of humor -- it's also worth noting that "Eastbound & Down" co-director David Gordon Green is also producing "Splatter Sisters." Hmmm.

Bachelorette Ali: I'm "Confident" I Picked the Right Guy

No regrets for Ali Fedotowsky.

As recently revealed by Us Weekly, the Bachelorette star winds up with a fiance and a ring on her finger on the ABC show's Aug. 2 finale, with an early 2011 wedding in the works.

"I'm just confident in the decisions I made," Fedotowsky, 25, told Entertainment Tonight at Thurdsay's Bowling with the Stars event at Lucky Strike Lanes in Hollywood.



On this past Monday's episode, she whittled down her suitors to a final trio: Roberto, Chris L., and Frank -- showing Kirk the door.

The former Facebook ad sales rep, 25, also hinted about which two men will make it to the finish line. "Both guys just have so much integrity," she told UsMagazine.com at Thursday's event. "They are just stand up, honorable and have a lot of respect for others. I just think they are men."

She added, "they are both the type of guys that any mother or father dream that their daughter would find it. And I think that's what makes them really great guys!"

The reality star admitted that she's anxious to step out with her husband-to-be once the finale airs. "I'm sort of in a limbo phase in my life right now...I'm really looking forward to everything sort of wrapping up!"

Tell Us: who do you think Ali chose? Which guys will be in the final two?

Confidence Thinking-How To Be Happy

How can I be happy?
It sounds like such a simple thing, to be happy. Yet, why does it seem to be such a struggle to accomplish something that should be so basic and easy?
I think it comes down to a few basic things.

Photo by Ken Raeside, all rights reserved

1. What's your basic mindset about life?
Are you looking for the positive in situations or do you like to dwell on the negative? It's completely your decision as to what you focus on. What you choose to look for in the various situations you encounter will influence how you feel about your life. If you think everyone is out to cheat you, that's what you'll see in every situation. So, the trick is to pay attention to what you're choosing and deciding to concentrate on. You can see the opportunities or you can see the possibilities for disaster. You can see what you've gained or learned from the situation or you can see how someone has hurt you. It's completely up to you.

2. What are you beliefs in regards to what does happy mean to you?
It's important to actually figure out what happiness is to you. Happiness to one person is not going to satisfy someone else. To you, happiness might mean having a fulfilling career and enough money to do the activities you want to do when you want to do them. To someone else, happiness might be having a lot of family and friends. You need to know what makes you happy and to be aware of making that a priority for you.

3. Are you just reacting to your emotions or are you deciding how you want to respond to a situation?
Your emotions are tools for you to use. They're not meant to control your thoughts and actions. Listening to what you're telling yourself and then deciding to choose your thoughts will greatly increase your ability to understand and experience happiness.

4. Allow yourself to feel joy
This might sound like a strange one but do you allow yourself to feel joy? It's easy to get caught up in thinking that you shouldn't enjoy the moment or that you're being irresponsible if you're not constantly being serious. Or feeling joy may even make you feel vulnerable. You might think that people can hurt you if you allow yourself to feel joy or get excited about something. Thinking this way only denies you your own happiness though.

Allowing yourself to feel job is also realizing that you deserve to feel joy. It's not something that just happens to other people. You deserve joy and happiness in your life. So, when you feel joy, allow yourself to deeply and fully experience the moment. Don't just brush it off. Feel it totally and completely. It's a wonderful feeling so enjoy it when it happens.

Joy and happiness can happen at any time. You see a beautiful flower or you see someone laughing or your dog does something silly. It doesn't have to be something huge and momentous. In fact, it's the little things that bring us the most happiness. Look for those things and when you see them, allow yourself to truly enjoy the moment.

How to Be Nice to Women and Still Sleep with Them

How tough does it have to be not to be “nice?”

Well, it can be… for the exact reasons any
dating science personality change can be hard. What
we’re doing in our approach is calibrating specific
aspects of our personality.

So, let’s say you were like I was ten years ago…
and you need to be “less nice.” Well, how much less?
How do we know when we’re right?

And here’s a potential problem. If you could map every
attribute of your personality from 1-10, you could probably
figure out a good level for each trait, and its
unfrequently to the extreme. Even among the eight attraction triggers
talked about in Magic Bullets (the 8 traits that
all girls react to, no matter who you -or they-
are), you can go too far.

Take confidence, for example. Being an eight out of ten or a nine out
of ten regarding confidence is awesome. Being 10 out of 10 is…
a little bit weird. Women might find that intimidating, or
assume you are covering something up or are weird or inhuman
in some way.

So, being nice or nicer works the same way. Imagine you created a range in which
“nice” was a “one” and “jerk” was a “ten”, you may wanna be
around a six to an eight. [Don't take the actual numbers too seriously;
this is to illustrate an idea.] And a lot of “nice guys” are
around a 3.

What happens a lot is that guys experiment with being more of a
jerk. They get some results. They push a bit more. They get more
great results. Then inexplicably, some women start having negative
reactions.

What really went on is this “guy” is hitting a nine or a
ten on the scale. However it is very difficult to see this, because most guys
are subconciously or even consciously changing how they show themselves
along a bunch of different dimensions. So the guy who is being less
nice is also using the Emotional Progression Model from Magic Bullets
and delivering great routines. For the most part, he’s improving with
women, but this overall improvement masks the fact that he’s gone
too far in 1 section.

This goes on all the time, it is almost impossible for the majority of people to actually
self-analyze what they are doing right and wrong.

So, is the lesson that people sometimes take good dating advice to
an extreme? No… that would be much more obvious and shorter.
My point is actually quite different: if you are learning on your
own, you SHOULD take new techniques to an extreme. For example:

-Touching/kino: be the creepy overly-touchy guy for a while.
-Closing; attempt to get the girl to go home with you everytime you approach.
-Too quiet/too passive: be the crazy dancing monkey.
-And so on…

In my view, and i have personally taught 100′s of men in the last 5
years, this includes a ton of guys who have progressed to the instructor level-
most men need to learn the range of useful behavior. Moreover, you
need to develop an instinctive feel for it. You need to get used to
the signs you get when you’re {being too nice~{the clues you receive when you are acting too nice}~the signals you get when you’re being too nice}. You must get used to
the signals you receive when you are acting like too much of a jerk. You need to be
able to recognize these early, when you’re only a little bit outside of
the ideal range, so you can calibrate back into it quickly. With practice
and experimentation, this will come naturally.

You most likely do this already. Let’s use the example of just talking
to a friend. You know what the ideal volume range is from experience.
However if you wind up outside of that range- like you have just gotten off
the plane and your ears are plugged and you don’t realize how loudly
you are talking – you will quickly and instinctively give yourself the
feedback you have to have to change… often without thinking about it.

When you are very loud, you will probably see people looking in your
direction more than usual, you might notice your friend shifting his
head back and looking less relaxed, or you might feel a difference in
your chest. When you are not making enough noise, your buddy will move in closer to hear
you, it might seem like the guy is paying attention to what you are saying more
than average, and so on. All of these are feedback mechanisms that let
you change your behavior. And they work, because you have lots of
experience with being too loud or too quiet in normal social situations
and have found out how to change the way you present yourself.

Learn exactly how to tell when you are doing too much or not enough of
something by being conscious of what results to expect when
you do.

Let’s apply this to niceness. What do you think are signs that you’re
being too kind?

-She chats about other guys when you’re around.

-She is comfortable touching you or being touched, but there’s
no sexuality behind it

-She wishes her boyfriend (or more men in general) were more like you.

-She isn’t dressed up/looking good when she meets you(unless you happen to be going out
somewhere).

-She takes calls from other men around you.

[This isn't a checklist. None of these necessarily mean you are too nice,
and not all of these signs may appear even when you are being too nice.]

Similarly, there are some common signs to be aware of when you are
being too much of a jerk:

-She calls you an “asshole” or “mean” (without smiling). A girl can call
you a jerk, evil, a player, or bad news and still be incredibly attracted to
you. Or she can call you anything while smiling. But most women will not
call you an asshole or tell you that you’re mean and actually want you.
Some words have more power than others with women; this is something we
sometimes get to in my advanced 1-1s and phone coaching.

-She’s not comfortable being alone with you.

-You’re teasing her or “negging” her and it used to get a positive response
but is now getting a negative one.

With any change you make, take it to both extremes (too much and too little)
and get accustomed to where the boundary lines are.

As a more advanced thought, if you’re trying to be less of the “nice guy,”
I have had much more success showing guys how to be selfish rather than jerks.”
When you are a jerk, you intentionally put another person down. When
you are selfish, doing what you want first. And that’s the problem
for most “nice guys.” They put other peoples’ needs and wants above their own.

I am not saying guys should be selfish for no good reason. Remember to just do this if you’re
seeing the usual nice/good guy reactions from girls. End or change plans when you do not feel
like going out or something more interesting comes up. With in reason, do not
offer to pick her up, drive her home, etc. Dates should be things that you’d
love doing either way- this doesn’t matter if you are normally too nice or not,
and Chapter 17 (Dates) of Magic Bullets explains why. When you’re faced with
a conclusion, ask your mind what a very selfish guy would do. And so on.

Finally, a major problem that most “nice guys” have is a fear of approaching women
which also goes by the name of approach anxiety. Figuring out exactly how to cure your approach
anxiety will lessen the amount of women that see you as a “nice” guy. If
this is a problem for you and you would like to get it taken care of in less than 30
days,

Twilight mums want more fantastic sex lives

Forbidden fruit: Twilight's Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, played by Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, can't get too close.

My friend Sarah looked me in the eye with an intensity I have rarely seen in the many years I have known her.

Then she confessed: 'I have a secret. I am in love with a 17-year-old vampire called Edward Cullen. I think about him . . . dream about him. I have his photo on my desk, and his picture is my computer screensaver.'

Worryingly, not only did I immediately know who she was talking about, but I heard myself declaring (several octaves higher than my normal speaking voice): 'I know! How amazing was it when he growled at the werewolf and protected Bella from the red-eyed vampire?'

Broad appeal: It's not just screaming teenagers who have fallen for Edward Cullen


My friend Sarah looked me in the eye with an intensity I have rarely seen in the many years I have known her.

Then she confessed: 'I have a secret. I am in love with a 17-year-old vampire called Edward Cullen. I think about him . . . dream about him. I have his photo on my desk, and his picture is my computer screensaver.'

Worryingly, not only did I immediately know who she was talking about, but I heard myself declaring (several octaves higher than my normal speaking voice): 'I know! How amazing was it when he growled at the werewolf and protected Bella from the red-eyed vampire?'

Yes, I admit it. I, too, love the Twilight books, which chart the romance between a vampire boy and a human girl. Initially, I read them as a way to bond with my 16-year-old god-daughter, who adores them, but then just because I found the novels so fascinating.

Yet neither Sarah nor I are teenagers, the target age-group the books, and now the films (the third in the series premieres in Britain today), were aimed at.

Far from it. Sarah's 38. She's happily married, a successful head of PR at a major advertising firm in London and has two beautiful children.

Meanwhile, I am a 38-year-old well-respected psychologist, who has been married for 11 years and has a seven-year-old daughter.

Yet it appears that Sarah and I are not the only professional, well-educated women and mothers who have fallen for Twilight's charms.

According to an American website set up for, and run by, adoring grown-up Twilight fans, there are millions of us across the globe.

So why does this far-fetched, supernatural, often twee story appeal to women like me?

As a psychologist, I think the reason may be that at its heart, the saga captures something we've all experienced and remember fondly: pure, untainted puppy love.

The hero of the Twilight books is Edward Cullen, a 107-year-old vampire trapped for eternity in his 17-year-old body.

It's important to note here that although 17, he has the impeccable manners and mannerisms of someone much older, thus making him easy to relate to, whatever your age.

Sexual chemistry: The lack of sex but bubbling anticipation in the books and films is a world away from the predictable loves lives of middle-aged mums


It's a world away from the more predictable love lives we have now, often with long-term partners, where there's no anticipation and romance has long been replaced by the reality of raising a family and running a household.

More significantly, these books have become a big hit among teens just when we are seeing a surge in the hypersexualisation of teenagers and children.

In a time where sexual bullying, teen partner violence and teen pregnancy are concerning clinicians and policy-makers alike, these books are a testament to the fact that we should be discussing romance and intimacy when we talk to young people about sex.

What these books remind us (it's surely no coincidence the author is a Mormon, a religious order whose members don't believe in pre-marital sex) is that the anticipation of sex and the joy of romance are often the most exciting parts of the whole process.

And that is probably why these books are so successful. Because while we can all appreciate the physical attraction of sex, we also need to be able to savour the intimacy, passion and romance that is so often by-passed by over-zealous teens or super-busy parents.


He lives with his morally righteous vampire family in a small town in a north-western U.S. state. They feed on animal, not human, blood and because they have abstained from typical murderous vampire behaviour, they have managed to remain undiscovered.

But then Edward falls in love with high school student Bella Swan. (I think it's a significant part of the appeal for my age group that author Stephenie Meyer describes Bella as a 'nurturer' - always putting her needs second to those of others - something mothers can relate to.)

Edward is overwhelmed by his feelings for Bella, and she for him. And as the books unfold, so does the ultimate love story.

While he is desperate to be close to her, if he gets too close there is the risk that he will lose control and bite her - turning her into a vampire too or, worse, killing her.

He wants her to remain human, but she wants to be a vampire like him because otherwise she will grow old while he remains 17 for ever.

Put frankly, for women of my age I think the appeal is sex, or rather the lack of it. The books describe a bubbling journey of anticipation and sexual denial. When they first kiss, the chemistry between them is so electric that Bella nearly passes out and Edward has to throw himself away from her so he doesn't ravage her.

His longing walks a fine line between sexual thirst and, well, literal thirst for her blood.

But such is his desire to protect her from harm that he is tortured by the need to be near her yet also as far away from her as possible. So the reader is in constant anticipation.

This mouth-watering state of sexual frustration harks back to our teenage years when sex wasn't on the menu, when it was about stolen kisses, the odd electrifying touch and hours spent talking on the phone.
Love dilemma: In Twilight Eclipse, Bella wrestles with her decision to become a vampire so she can be with Edward forever


For years, sex and relationship therapists have 'prescribed' staged abstinence from love-making and intercourse in order to help troubled couples increase intimacy and communication.

The premise is that disengaged couples take each other for granted, and so forget to see each other as individuals and how to feel passion. As a result, physical intimacy becomes too mechanical and eventually, well, it feels as though it's not worth the effort.

By making couples think about wanting each other again (and by increasing the gap between mental desire and physical gratification), couples are reminded just how passionate their relationship can be.

What my 'Twilight Mum' friends tell me, with a glint in their eye, is that they believe the books have helped their own sex lives with their husbands.

It encourages them to make time for romance, not just sex. It seems that Stephenie Meyer has tapped into this wisdom, and written a story that reminds the reader (regardless of their age) that the anticipation of something is all part of the gratification you feel when you finally manage to get it.

Unequal Love Across The Color Line

Stories about black women, marriage and interracial relationships have always generated controversy, strong opinions and stereotyped assumptions. Just this week Dr Laura took a call from a black female caller married to a white man who wanted to know how to handle ignorant and racist remarks from his family and neighbors. Schlessinger said "If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor don’t marry out of your race".

The other day I got a comment from “Brenda” about my High-Achieving Black Women and Marriage: Not Choosing Or Not Chosen? piece in which I supported openness to interracial partners. She said: “was this whole article to help you rationalize why some young stud couldnt be bothered with you?” Wow, not only is she waaaaaaay off, but her comment reminded me of the darts that are also aimed at Asian men when they wonder if they’re being sidelined in love. Black women and Asian men have some things in common in this arena so today I want to dig deeper into interracial relationships and the interesting ground that black women and Asian men share.

Stories about black women, marriage and interracial relationships have always generated controversy, strong opinions and stereotyped assumptions. Just this week Dr Laura took a call from a black female caller married to a white man who wanted to know how to handle ignorant and racist remarks from his family and neighbors. Schlessinger said "If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor don’t marry out of your race".

The other day I got a comment from “Brenda” about my High-Achieving Black Women and Marriage: Not Choosing Or Not Chosen? piece in which I supported openness to interracial partners. She said: “was this whole article to help you rationalize why some young stud couldnt be bothered with you?” Wow, not only is she waaaaaaay off, but her comment reminded me of the darts that are also aimed at Asian men when they wonder if they’re being sidelined in love. Black women and Asian men have some things in common in this arena so today I want to dig deeper into interracial relationships and the interesting ground that black women and Asian men share.

There is no gender gap for white and Latino newlyweds, but nearly a quarter of black men wed someone of a different race or ethnicity in 2008 while only about 9% of black women did. The opposite gender difference was true for Asians. Twice as many Asian female newlyweds out-married as Asian men. And it's not just newlyweds - the same mirror-opposite gender gaps appeared in the full census in 2000 among blacks and Asians. In three quarters of Asian/white marriages the husband was white but in about three quarters of black/white marriages the wife was white.

Steve Sailor found that the interracial gender gap was even sharper for cohabiting black couples. Five times as many black men were living with white women as white men living with black women, and a little over twice as many white men cohabited with Asian women as Asian men cohabited with white women.

When income was factored into a 2000 study1, the authors found that as black male income increased, interracial marriages increased proportionally until at the highest income level ($100,000 and above) nearly 50% of black men were married to non-black women. The same study found (after statistically controlling other factors) that in metropolitan areas in which larger percentages of black men were married to non-black women, black women were less likely to be married than in other cities . So the complaints we hear from black women about their "most eligible" men being "taken" by non-black women are grounded in some real disparities.

No Level Playing Field in Online Dating and Mating

Whether online or face-to-face, mate selection has certainly never been a level playing field. Those in high demand can afford to be pickiest and those in low demand may feel pressured to relax their standards or risk not being chosen (and sometimes staying single is a sweeter option). How does this play out by race?

Since online dating sites have become so widely used we can see how people really choose potential partners versus how they say they do. The OK Cupid blog, user data from their dating website is analyzed in fascinating ways. The good news is, heterosexual daters' profiles reveal that members of all races and ethnicities have essentially equal "match percentages", or degree to which other users have desired responses to their questions. So if race is not a factor in decision-making users should send evenly distributed responses to interested parties of all races. If a same-race partner is preferred, there are equal opportunities for desirable matches.

The bad news is, only responses to black women turned out to be significantly skewed. White, Asian-American, Native American, Latino, Middle Eastern, Pacific Islander and black men all wrote back to African-American women at about a 20% lower rate than they did to all other races and ethnicities! (Yes, even black men sent fewer responses to black women than all other women). At least the Asian guys weren't being given short shrift on this site.

On OK Cupid, black women and white men seemed to be adjusting their standards according to their popularity. Black women received the fewest emails and responded to the most, while White men received the most emails and responded to the fewest. Black, Asian and gay people are disproportionately more likely to use online dating services in general, which could also be in reaction to perceived scarcity of desirable partners using more traditional ways of meeting.

Even though the OK Cupid results reflect the behavior of over a million online daters, each dating site draws somewhat different demographics. OK Cupid has a reputation for attracting a young, nerdy-cool, highly educated crowd. How about more broadly used dating sites? In a Yahoo personals study done at UC Irvine, 91% of members claimed to have no race preference for their matches but white men who dated interracially selected Asian and Latino dating partners significantly more often than black women and Asian men were the least preferred matches for white women. Yup, not a level playing field.

In a speed dating study using Columbia University grad students, white, black and Hispanic women were all far more likely to say no to Asian men than all other men. While various surveys have shown that women in general have a stronger preference than men do for same-race partners, the Asian women in the Columbia sample didn't show a greater preference for Asian men. Black women strongly preferred black men but the black men didn't reciprocate their level of interest to nearly the same degree2.

The same gender difference show up in interracial sex. In a major sex survey of over 3000 people called Sex in America that was done twenty years ago, ten times more single white women than single white men reported that their most recent sex partner was black.

And then there's porn. Asian males are notoriously absent, which could be due to their general lack of interest in participating in these films, but Asian Studies Professor Darrell Hamamoto sees it differently. He was so peeved about what he called the de-sexualization of Asian men in films (in Hollywood as well as porn industry) that he produced his own porn film called Skin on Skin, using an entirely Asian cast. As UCLA professor Russell Leong put it: "Asian men can kick butt, but they can't have a kiss." Reader, I challenge you to count the number of Asian male romantic leads in major American (non martial arts) films on more than one hand. I'm just starting to see a change on the small screen but the big screen is a tough nut to crack.

What he's thinking (secretly)

Men don’t typically talk about relationships in the first place, and we got to keep probing them to actually talk and tell us what they’re thinking. So what’s really going on at the back of their minds? Do they actually ever tell us what they are really thinking? And are men really as nice as they seem or do their thoughts break that nice image you had of them?

We got a few guys to admit what they’re REALLY thinking about, even when they’ve got doting smiles pasted on their faces.


Yes, you do look fat!

So the next time you ask your boyfriend/husband if you look fat and he says no, he’s only trying to save himself from the drama. The worst question you could ask a guy who doesn’t lie well is this, he’ll probably choke on his own spit.

“I hate it when my girlfriend asks me over and over again if she looks fat in this or that! One day I’ll get so tired of it all and actually tell her that she’s fat and none of the outfits are going to make her thinner!” – Andrew Mulli, 23, sound engineer

OMG! She looks like a drag queen

Always keep in mind that minimal make up works best when you’re going out with your boyfriend/husband or any guy for that matter. Guys like the natural look and just don’t get why you wear so much makeup when you don’t need it. They tend to think it’s too much effort for a job not well done. So you don’t really get his approval anyway!

“Too much make up on women is the biggest put off ever! I do not want to walk around with someone who looks like a hooker. The worst part is knowing you can’t say anything because it might hurt her feelings but I completely hate it.” – Dhruv Shah, 28, computer programmer

She’s taking two hours to dress and it’s not going to make a difference

It’s absolutely alright to take that long to get ready for your wedding or even your birthday, but guys just don’t get why you take so long to get dressed up, straighten your hair or curl it just to go to a coffee shop. We get it but they totally don’t.

“It’s very annoying when a girl takes forever to go to a place where she doesn’t even need to be dressy. I mean if she wants to look good she can, but it’s just going to annoy me that she’s taking too long and that every other guy is checking her out, so it’s not like I’ll even compliment her .’ – David Lobo, 22, gaming designer

Her friend is the biggest loser ever

That really close guy friend of yours who you think he likes hanging out with just happens to be someone who he thinks is the biggest looser ever! And he’s only nice to him because of you. He’d probably bully the guy if he didn’t know him. And that’s not all; he makes fun of him in front of his own friends (when you’re not around). Oh yeah, and he doesn’t like the fact you’re so close to him as well.

‘Honestly, I think my girlfriend’s friends are completely boring. Their idea of fun is staying out till 11pm and the worst part is that I have to mix with them most of the time, especially her best friend who thinks he knows her in and out and acts like he’s the most important thing in her life. He drives me crazy and I can’t stand him but I really can’t say anything to her.’ – Jessie Hertz, 22, dance instructor

Marriage? You mean I have to sleep with you for the rest of my life?

You might love weddings, but the minute you mention the M-word to him, this is what’s going on at the back of his mind! Men get scared of commitment, the thought of having sex with the same person for the rest of their lives them.

‘I get really freaked out when my girlfriend starts talking about marriage and weddings and kids. I don’t know what to say after that, because it’s really scary. Firstly, I’m not ready to get married and even though I love her, it just reminds me that all my freedom will be lost.’ Kishan Somwanshi, 22, MBA Student

‘Don’t call me a jerk but I really can’t imagine being tied town and sticking to the same person for the rest of my life. Whenever a girl I’m dating talks about marriage, I loose it completely in my head, sex with the same person can get extremely boring.’ – Neeraj Patel, 25, lighting designer

Go slow for a change, and be willing to try new things before I get bored and sleep with someone else

Men do love your wild side when you’re in bed, but they also love it when you go slow. Not trying new things in bed is a no-no. Openness to experimenting is crucial to them and doing the same thing every time bores them completely. Telling you they’re getting bored will probably shatter your ego so they just keep quite.

‘If a woman is not open to new things, it just gets really boring. And let’s face it; sex is important in a relationship, that’s why sex counselors exist. If the sex is boring, it dampens the relationship so I’d rather just move on to another woman.’ – Hemal Chopra, 29, assistant director

10 Tips on How to Kiss

Wanna perfect your French kissing technique, or just want the basics on how to kiss for the first time? Follow these kissing tips the next time you're ready to smooch.
1. Find the Right Time to Kiss
The best time for a first kiss is when you're alone, there's a pause in the conversation and you're both looking into each other's eyes. Help make this moment happen by finding a way to get away from the crowd, standing or sitting close to your partner, making eye contact and letting the convo come to a natural breaking point. You'll both know when the moment is right.
2. Don't Obsess About Your Breath
Your breath doesn't need to be any more minty fresh than your kissing partner's. (For instance, if you both just had dinner together and ate equally garlicky meals, you'll be fine.) Bring some mints with you, but don't pop them obsessively. It's not necessary and it'll make you look over-eager.
3. Start With Your Lips
The first thing that comes to mind when you think about french kissing is tongue, but that shouldn't come right away - you'll have to ease into it. Start just by lightly kissing their lips (either their top lip, their bottom lip or both) with yours.
4. Don't Make Your Tongue the Star of the Show
A kiss without any tongue at all is perfectly fine. But if you want to take it to the next level, open your mouth a little wider, gently touch your tongue against theirs, and let the tips of your tongues "play around" together. Don't do much more than that, though. When it comes to tongue, a little goes a long way.
5. Use Your Hands Wisely
The best spots to place your hands are around your partner's neck or waist, on the back of your partner's head, or if you want to be extra-romantic, against your partner's cheeks. Never just leave them by your side! That would be a total waste.
6. Don't Forget to Breathe
Take regular breaks to pull away and look into your partner's eyes. It'll give you a chance to catch your breath and share a smile.
7. Mix It Up
Don't leave your lips or your tongue in the same spot for more than a couple of seconds. The initial excitement of a first kiss is thrilling, but things can get boring awfully quickly if you don't vary your style a little.
8. When In Doubt, Follow Their Lead
You don't need to be an expert on kissing to share a great kiss. If you're not sure what to do, just let your partner take over and go with the flow. As long as the two of you like each other and are concentrating on the magic of the moment, it'll go great.
9. It's Okay to Laugh
You might be tempted to laugh or make a little joke to ease the tension or hide some your nervousness. Go for it. Your partner's probably just as nervous as you are, and it'll ease the tension for them, too.
10. Know When to End It
If this is your first time kissing this person, keep things brief. There'll be plenty more chances to kiss, and you want to leave them dying to lock lips with you the next time.

Professional Makeup Tips

To day we teach you the art of applying you make-up successfully in short time. Follow the given steps and you get ready with in 15 minute. These 8 steps speed up your daily routine make-up. Thing’s you need to complete you make-up foundation, eye shadow, mascara, blush brush, face powder, blush, waterproof mascaras, lipstick, lip gloss and eye shadow.

First of all use concealer to mask up the dark circles and pimples. Concealer must one shade lighter then the foundation that you are going to use. Do this on pimples and dark circles and blend with fingers or sponge can be used.

Pick the foundation that has closely resemblance with your skin tone. Apply the foundation in dots over the face and spread it on your whole face with makeup sponge or with your fingers until it cover your whole face smoothly.

To keep your foundation and concealer for long time use a pressed powder. Use pressed powder to touch up when you are away from home.

Light, medium and dark chose three colors. There are many variations on eye shadow application techniques. Use the lightest shade for the area under the eyebrow and medium shade for the crease and the dark one to lime up your upper eyelid.

Next step is to apply the eyeliner. You can use eyeliner pencil, thin liner brush, cake eyeliner with a damp line the lower lid below the lashes. Line only the outer part of the lower lid, or all the way across if you’re trying to achieve a darker look. Line all the way across the upper lid or start the line where your lashes begin.

Apply mascara to upper and lower lashes, in two thin coats. Choose brown mascara if your coloring is fair; black or brown-black works well for darker coloring. Or you can also try colored mascara such as navy or plum, but don’t go too bright if you want to be taken seriously.

ine lips first and then apply the lipstick color that’s suited to your skin tone and that’s perfect for your day look also. You can also use mixture of colors to apply the lipstick according to your mood.

Romance and Love

Skating - Break the ice, by taking your date roller or ice skating at a local rink. Follow this up with hot chocolate and conversation in a cozy cafe.

Zen Date - Relax your date by taking them to a meditation or light-working session at the local Buddhist temple. Relax afterwards by enjoying a good meal in an Indian restaurant.

Do You Have a Future Together? - Visit your local psychic together to have your palms and tarot cards read. Get a past-life reading to see if you have known each other in a past incarnation.

Art Tour - Spend a day together visiting all the art galleries and museums that you can. Make sure you visit the gift shop of the museum to buy your love a token that expresses your appreciation of him or her.

Antique Hunting - Look in the papers and treat your date to a day of scouring antique markets and flea markets for treasures.

Mazes and Labyrinths - If your city has a maze, see if you and your date can get lost together inside it. Walking a labyrinth together is not only said to be good for the soul, but it will help you define your goals together.

What's For Dinner? - Sign the both of you up for a cooking class. You'll be giggling and feeding each other delicious tid-bits in no time.

Feng Shui Date - Visit your local China Town and hunt for lucky charms, windmills and small statues to bring the two of you health, wealth and happiness. Finish your shopping excursion off with a meal for two at a Chinese restaurant.

Dancing Lessons - Enroll the two of you in dancing lessons so that you can learn classic moves such as tango, ballroom dancing or square dancing. This is especially nice for seniors on a first date who wish to break the ice.

Play in the Snow - If its snowy outside take advantage of the weather and build an ice sculpture or snowman together. Get on a toboggan together and slide downhill (holding each other very close of course.) Finish the day off with a hot chocolate or apple cider in front of a crackling fire.

Love Letters - Buy special paper and pens and make a date to sit across from each other at a table and write each other a love letter - in front of each other! You can call this letter "Ten Things I Love About You." Then exchange the letters and read them out loud. Torrid romance almost always ensues right after this one!

King or Queen for A Day - Assign a date where you will treat your lover as if he or she is King or Queen for that day. The idea is that your date does not have to lift a finger while you meet every supply or demand. This package should include a foot rub as well as the proffering of the date's favorite foods.

The Sunrise Date - Surprise your date by calling them early in the morning and asking if they want to meet to watch the sunrise with you. Drive to a beach or some other beautiful location. Afterwards share a brunch at a cozy restaurant.

Is Love Painful?

Who hasn't experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of rejection? The pain of self doubt? The pain of fear? It's important to distinguish between love and totally separate feelings.

When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the “add-ons” of love. The love baggage, we might call it. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element of love. But experientially we know this isn't true.

Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?

Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?

When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.

If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.

If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel.

If you really want to remove the love baggage of fear and unhappiness, the first step is to improve your self awareness and self acceptance

10 Signs of Male Attraction

ust for fun, we're going to rate the level of these signs of attraction between 1 (Lukewarm), and 10 (This Guy Wants to Make Your Baby).

The Stare - (4)

This is one of the first signs of male attraction that's easy to spot. If the cute guy in your Creative Writing class keeps making eyes at you, throw him some love so he'll be more confident to approach you.

Attempts to Look Good - (6)

Most guys don't worry too much about how they dress... However, if a guy is attracted to a lady and he knows he's going to see her, he'll put some extra effort into his looks. So, if every time you cross paths, your man has ditched his frayed jeans or there's a little gel in his hair, he likes ya.

Playful insults - (6)

Men never really grow up. Remember in 2nd grade when little Joey called you a fart face, punched you in the arm and then ran back to the swing set? Joey thought you were hot stuff. A playful insult is a telltale sign of male attraction. Hopefully, grown-up Joey will use a little more tact.

Facebook Spy - (5)

Ahhh, attraction in the digital age is just a little bit creepy. However, if a guy "stumbles across" your Facebook or MySpace profile and befriends you, he's probably got a crush. Also, if, when talking with you, he happens to mention a couple movies you've listed as your favorites, well, at least he's trying.

Attempts at Humor - (7)

Most guys know that a good laugh is the way to a lady's heart. So, keep an eye out for a guy who keeps trying to make you laugh (successfully or otherwise).

Little Touches - (7)

Most small physical gestures are a strong indicator of attraction. These little touches are his way of testing the water to see how you react...

Invents Reasons to Talk to You - (7)

If a guy is truly interested in a girl, he'll go to great lengths to strike up a conversation. "Oh, hey, you like coffee, huh? Me too! That's crazy."

Remembers Things - (6)

Men are a forgetful bunch. In general, they just aren't that attentive. If you notice that he retains small details from earlier conversations with you, somethings up.

Drunk Dial - (4)

Getting a call or text message at 1:00am on a Friday night is a good sign of male attraction. But, beware the guy who only thinks to call after drinking a six-pack with his bros. That guy is probably only interested in bumpin' uglies.

Phone Call Early in the Day - (9)

If a guy calls you early in the day to see if you want to hang out, you're in real good shape. By calling early, he's hoping to get a hold of you before you make other plans for the night. He's thinking clearly, and he's thinking about you, and your purdy, purdy face.

I hope these 10 signs of male attraction have helped you to better understand that most complicated of simple creatures: Man.

Miley Cyrus, Growing Up, Tests Identities

Miley Cyrus will turn 18 in November, though she’s been an adult for some time now. Ever since a suggestive 2008 Vanity Fair photo shoot thrust her out of the Disney cocoon into the mainstream consciousness, she’s been the subject of speculation, concern and fear. Ms. Cyrus, the chatterers argued, was in trouble but could still be saved.

And yet innocence has never been the core of Ms. Cyrus’s appeal. As the star of the Disney Channel’s “Hannah Montana” series, she plays a knowing character — regular kid by day, pop star by night — who understands the duality of celebrity. Being famous is work, and not always of the glamorous kind.

A similar duality is now beginning to undo Ms. Cyrus in real life, where she’s still tied inextricably to her Disney identity but looking for a safe landing spot. As surely as the teen idol is a part of pop culture, so is the molting of her shiny veneer.

Last week Ms. Cyrus released “Can’t Be Tamed” (Hollywood), the first album that’s shown the frayed seams of her identity. But Ms. Cyrus’s metamorphosis isn’t nearly as radical as “Can’t Be Tamed” — the title track, the video, the title — would suggest. Rather, she’s evolving into something far less controversial: a pop star, confused like all the rest of them.

“Can’t Be Tamed” may be the least consistent of her several albums to date — the ones released under her name and the ones as Hannah Montana — but it’s also the most unexpectedly thrilling. There are phenomenal dance-pop songs but also stilted ballads and high-energy screamers. It continues the anchorlessness that’s been clear in Ms. Cyrus’s music the last year and a half. In that time she’s had two major hits: “The Climb,” a soaring, inspirational pop-country ballad from the soundtrack to “Hannah Montana: The Movie,” and “Party in the U.S.A.,” a saccharine, chirpy confection that’s almost the exact opposite (and, notably, does not appear on this album, or any other).

“Can’t Be Tamed” continues the chaos. The title track is Rebellion 101: “I want to be a part of something I don’t know/and if you try to hold me back, I might explode.” In the video she’s trapped in a cage, wearing wings, and teases her female backup dancers with near-kisses. As ever, on this song Ms. Cyrus displays a husky, distinctive voice that undermines any attempts at naïveté, but still, there’s no frisson to this attempt at rebirth.

Her lashing out is perfunctory too — “Can’t Be Tamed” is merely the song that gets her past the teen-pop ghetto and on to other choices. “Don’t live a lie/This is your one life,” she sings at the beginning of “Liberty Walk,” the album’s first song. But the lie might be that Ms. Cyrus has some core truth that she’s faithful to — on that song alone, she tries out four different vocal strategies, including rapping. Her greatest crime isn’t that she’s maturing too quickly: it’s that it’s unclear where she wants to go.

That’s most likely because Ms. Cyrus was formed in the cauldron of public scrutiny, but not in any particular music scene outside of kid-pop.

“I listen to zero pop music, which is really weird for someone who makes pop music,” Ms. Cyrus improbably told Billboard magazine last month.

If anything, songs like “The Climb” and “Party in the U.S.A.” were scrubbed far cleaner than her Hannah Montana material, which often had a sassy, aggressive edge to it, a mood that’s barely touched on “Can’t Be Tamed.”

Instead, the most exciting songs on this album are club-oriented dance-pop, a genre Ms. Cyrus hasn’t previously shown any affinity for and may never again. Still, it’s a timely and sharp sound. “Who Owns My Heart” — produced, like many of the album’s best tracks, by the pop impresarios Rock Mafia — is full of rubbery synths and swooning choruses in the vein of Cascada.

On “Two More Lonely People,” bright acoustic guitars slash hard against bouncy synthesizers, suggesting, of all things, vintage Debbie Gibson. And at the bridge, there’s a faint echo of Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.”

On “Permanent December,” written with Claude Kelly — who also helped write “Party in the U.S.A.” — Ms. Cyrus tries out a sneering type of sing-rapping, à la Fergie: “Don’t call me a Lolita/’Cause I don’t let ’em through.”

On a more coherent album, that idea would be explored further. But the fact that Ms. Cyrus feels little need to assert her sexuality, or lack thereof, is consistent with her rejection of a single new identity in favor of a cluster of experiments. Perhaps she hasn’t had time to think it through, or maybe she’s realized that evading the subject for now is a more flexible strategy than tackling it head-on.

Still, she may not have those options much longer. “Hannah Montana” will end this spring after its fourth season, bringing the dual identity portion of Ms. Cyrus’s career to a close. At that point, untethered to any old modes, she may in fact look back with some envy on the time in her life when her choices were as simple as either/or.

Comprehensive Sex Education: Research and Results

Since 1997 the federal government has invested more than $1.5 billion dollars in abstinence-only programs – proven ineffective programs which censor or exclude important information that could help young people protect their health. In fact, until recently, programs which met a strict abstinence-only definition were the only type of sex education eligible for federal funding; no funding existed for comprehensive sex education, which stresses abstinence but also provides information about contraception and condoms.

But the Obama administration’s proposed budget for FY10 removed the streams of funding for abstinence-only programs, and created funding for programs which have been proven effective at reducing teen pregnancy, delaying sexual activity, or increasing contraceptive use. Not surprisingly, it is comprehensive sex education programs which help youth remain healthy and avoid negative sexual health outcomes. This document explores the research around comprehensive sex education and abstinence-only programs.
Comprehensive Sex Education Has Been Proven Effective
Evaluations of comprehensive sex education programs show that these programs can help youth delay onset of sexual activity, reduce the frequency of sexual activity, reduce number of sexual partners, and increase condom and contraceptive use. Importantly, the evidence shows youth who receive comprehensive sex education are NOT more likely to become sexually active, increase sexual activity, or experience negative sexual health outcomes. Effective programs exist for youth from a variety of racial, cultural, and socioeconomic backgrounds.1,2,3,4,5
Researchers studied the National Survey of Family Growth to determine the impact of sexuality education on youth sexual risk-taking for young people ages 15-19, and found that teens who received comprehensive sex education were 50 percent less likely to experience pregnancy than those who received abstinence-only education.6
Researcher Douglas Kirby for the National Campaign to End Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy examined studies of prevention programs which had a strong experimental design and used appropriate analysis. Two-thirds of the 48 comprehensive sex ed programs studied had positive effects.
40 percent delayed sexual initiation, reduced the number of sexual partners, or increased condom or contraceptive use.
30 percent reduced the frequency of sex, including a return to abstinence.
60 percent reduced unprotected sex.7
Advocates for Youth undertook exhaustive reviews of existing programs to compile a list of programs that have been proven effective by rigorous evaluation. Twenty-six effective programs were identified, twenty-three of which included comprehensive sex education as at least one component of the program. The other programs were early childhood interventions. Of the 23 effective, comprehensive sex education programs:
Fourteen programs demonstrated a statistically significant delay in the timing of first sex.
13 programs showed statistically significant declines in teen pregnancy, HIV, or other STIs.
14 programs helped sexually active youth to increase their use of condoms.
9 programs demonstrated success at increasing use of contraception other than condoms.
13 programs showed reductions in the number of sex partners and/or increased monogamy among program participants.
10 programs helped sexually active youth to reduce the incidence of unprotected sex.

Dating Advice For Women

So you want to date your ‘someone special’ on this Valentine’s Day? This special day brings a golden opportunity to express your feelings on a romantic date with the one you adore. The guy on your mind may be a little difficult to track down and you are in dire need of some wonderful advice to help you in your romantic endeavors. For those who are looking for everlasting love, below given are top romantic dating tips to make the "happily ever after" come true. So, go through these dating tips for girls and know how to keep your man’s heart safely in your pocket.

Dating Tips For Girls
Do not try to be someone you are not. You might have always fancied that high school cheerleader, but it wouldn't work if you try to be her on your date. Your man doesn't want to see some cheerleader. He wants to see and know you and not some wannabe you are trying to come across as.
Try to be friends with your man. Nothing will work better than being friend with your man and it will also make him feel more comfortable with you. It will allow him to open up to you and he will love you even more for that.
A little flirting goes a long way to make your man feel in the thick of things. It shows that you have a broad mind, exciting, fun-loving and take humor in your stride. Just make sure you don't over do it, as it may send wrong signals.
Talk about his interests and try to be an intelligent conversationalist. You certainly don’t want to bore him to death. He will appreciate that you want to know about what interests him and this will make your company exciting for him.
Work towards building trust, if you have already had many dates with him in the past. Every meeting should facilitate some progress in your relationship and make full use of the beautiful opportunity that Valentine’s Day is presenting you with.
Make an effort to look good. Men love it when their women dress up for the occasion. Who doesn’t appreciate the company of a good-looking woman? It will also make sure his eyes don't pry after other women!
All said and done, remember to give the relation enough time to grow and prosper. Don't jump to conclusions about your man just after the first date, as they take longer than women to bare their heart out. So, just relax and enjoy the time you spend with him. Gradually, you will get to see his kind and affectionate side.

Dating Ideas

Companionship is something that each one of us yearns for and seeks on a constant basis. We all want to fall in love and dating makes it easier to fall for the right person as it gives an opportunity to explore the thoughts and personality of your date. Over the years, the meaning and the way love is pursued has changed considerably and this changed approach to relationships has promulgated the concept of dating. People now intend to know each other well before moving in for total commitment. The status of a relationship is normally determined after a few dates. Dating can also be viewed as a more mature outlook on relationships, where people tend to avoid taking impulsive decisions in matters of heart.

Though most of us can yap about dating all day long, we are rendered clueless when it is to be actually done! It is precisely the reason why matters of heart are known to be complex. While you may be taking dating tips from everyone around you, it is but natural to feel clueless and baffled by the end as you are still undecided how to go about it. Fear not, we bring you excellent romantic ideas for dating. In our related section given below you will find some really practical and easy tips for dating. So read on and get set for that spice in your life! The following topics have been covered due to popular demand.

How to Write a Love Letter

The most ideal gift to give your beloved is a handwritten love letter. This has many people going into a tizzy, as they just don't seem to know as to how to write a love letter. Look no further. We bring the perfect solution for all you people out there who seem to go blank when it comes to writing love letters. Go through our selected romantic love letter ideas and write one for your beloved now! Keep these ideas and tips in mind and you will do just fine.

Writing Romantic Lover Letters
Intimacy is the keyword in writing a love letter. Make sure that it is personal and does not look like a scoop for a news article! It should be handwritten and not printed or typed.
Use decorative sweet letter pads to write your love letter. Take care the papers are not too bright and are not clustered with too many images.
Use a flair pen with black or brown ink to write the letter. Never use the blue, green or red color pen while writing the love letter as they tend to sound more formal and business-type.
The words should come from your heart. The words should sound not only genuine and warm, but also express your true feeling.
Mention the date when you write the love letter. Love letter will be treasured and remembered forever and hence specify the date.
Choose a lovable salutation and use your love’s first name for the salutation.
Do not be either formal or too casual. Maintain balance in your words and tone.
Let your beloved see his/her importance in your life. Make your letter a work of craft and let him/ her see your sincere feelings through the letter. Sound confident when you express your dreams, emotions, love and care for your beloved.
Express your gratitude and thank him/her for being in your life.
Declare that your love for him/her shall never die and you will always be there for him/her no matter what.
Do not exaggerate it unnecessarily as it may look fake and too gaudy. Keep it simple and original.
You can make use of quotes from his/her favorite poets or novelists. Make sure that these quotes blend into the context of your letter.
Do not restrict yourself to formal rules of writing the letter. In other words, love letter is not a high-school essay which has an introductory, expository and conclusion. However, maintain a flow in the writing style.
Always have an optimistic conclusion for your love letter.
Decorate the letter with signs of love like flower petals, sprinkles of stars, small heart-shape stickers etc.
Once you have done with the love letter, fold it neatly and place it inside the envelope. Write beautifully the name of your beloved and also paste a love stamp on it.