Twilight mums want more fantastic sex lives

Forbidden fruit: Twilight's Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, played by Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, can't get too close.

My friend Sarah looked me in the eye with an intensity I have rarely seen in the many years I have known her.

Then she confessed: 'I have a secret. I am in love with a 17-year-old vampire called Edward Cullen. I think about him . . . dream about him. I have his photo on my desk, and his picture is my computer screensaver.'

Worryingly, not only did I immediately know who she was talking about, but I heard myself declaring (several octaves higher than my normal speaking voice): 'I know! How amazing was it when he growled at the werewolf and protected Bella from the red-eyed vampire?'

Broad appeal: It's not just screaming teenagers who have fallen for Edward Cullen


My friend Sarah looked me in the eye with an intensity I have rarely seen in the many years I have known her.

Then she confessed: 'I have a secret. I am in love with a 17-year-old vampire called Edward Cullen. I think about him . . . dream about him. I have his photo on my desk, and his picture is my computer screensaver.'

Worryingly, not only did I immediately know who she was talking about, but I heard myself declaring (several octaves higher than my normal speaking voice): 'I know! How amazing was it when he growled at the werewolf and protected Bella from the red-eyed vampire?'

Yes, I admit it. I, too, love the Twilight books, which chart the romance between a vampire boy and a human girl. Initially, I read them as a way to bond with my 16-year-old god-daughter, who adores them, but then just because I found the novels so fascinating.

Yet neither Sarah nor I are teenagers, the target age-group the books, and now the films (the third in the series premieres in Britain today), were aimed at.

Far from it. Sarah's 38. She's happily married, a successful head of PR at a major advertising firm in London and has two beautiful children.

Meanwhile, I am a 38-year-old well-respected psychologist, who has been married for 11 years and has a seven-year-old daughter.

Yet it appears that Sarah and I are not the only professional, well-educated women and mothers who have fallen for Twilight's charms.

According to an American website set up for, and run by, adoring grown-up Twilight fans, there are millions of us across the globe.

So why does this far-fetched, supernatural, often twee story appeal to women like me?

As a psychologist, I think the reason may be that at its heart, the saga captures something we've all experienced and remember fondly: pure, untainted puppy love.

The hero of the Twilight books is Edward Cullen, a 107-year-old vampire trapped for eternity in his 17-year-old body.

It's important to note here that although 17, he has the impeccable manners and mannerisms of someone much older, thus making him easy to relate to, whatever your age.

Sexual chemistry: The lack of sex but bubbling anticipation in the books and films is a world away from the predictable loves lives of middle-aged mums


It's a world away from the more predictable love lives we have now, often with long-term partners, where there's no anticipation and romance has long been replaced by the reality of raising a family and running a household.

More significantly, these books have become a big hit among teens just when we are seeing a surge in the hypersexualisation of teenagers and children.

In a time where sexual bullying, teen partner violence and teen pregnancy are concerning clinicians and policy-makers alike, these books are a testament to the fact that we should be discussing romance and intimacy when we talk to young people about sex.

What these books remind us (it's surely no coincidence the author is a Mormon, a religious order whose members don't believe in pre-marital sex) is that the anticipation of sex and the joy of romance are often the most exciting parts of the whole process.

And that is probably why these books are so successful. Because while we can all appreciate the physical attraction of sex, we also need to be able to savour the intimacy, passion and romance that is so often by-passed by over-zealous teens or super-busy parents.


He lives with his morally righteous vampire family in a small town in a north-western U.S. state. They feed on animal, not human, blood and because they have abstained from typical murderous vampire behaviour, they have managed to remain undiscovered.

But then Edward falls in love with high school student Bella Swan. (I think it's a significant part of the appeal for my age group that author Stephenie Meyer describes Bella as a 'nurturer' - always putting her needs second to those of others - something mothers can relate to.)

Edward is overwhelmed by his feelings for Bella, and she for him. And as the books unfold, so does the ultimate love story.

While he is desperate to be close to her, if he gets too close there is the risk that he will lose control and bite her - turning her into a vampire too or, worse, killing her.

He wants her to remain human, but she wants to be a vampire like him because otherwise she will grow old while he remains 17 for ever.

Put frankly, for women of my age I think the appeal is sex, or rather the lack of it. The books describe a bubbling journey of anticipation and sexual denial. When they first kiss, the chemistry between them is so electric that Bella nearly passes out and Edward has to throw himself away from her so he doesn't ravage her.

His longing walks a fine line between sexual thirst and, well, literal thirst for her blood.

But such is his desire to protect her from harm that he is tortured by the need to be near her yet also as far away from her as possible. So the reader is in constant anticipation.

This mouth-watering state of sexual frustration harks back to our teenage years when sex wasn't on the menu, when it was about stolen kisses, the odd electrifying touch and hours spent talking on the phone.
Love dilemma: In Twilight Eclipse, Bella wrestles with her decision to become a vampire so she can be with Edward forever


For years, sex and relationship therapists have 'prescribed' staged abstinence from love-making and intercourse in order to help troubled couples increase intimacy and communication.

The premise is that disengaged couples take each other for granted, and so forget to see each other as individuals and how to feel passion. As a result, physical intimacy becomes too mechanical and eventually, well, it feels as though it's not worth the effort.

By making couples think about wanting each other again (and by increasing the gap between mental desire and physical gratification), couples are reminded just how passionate their relationship can be.

What my 'Twilight Mum' friends tell me, with a glint in their eye, is that they believe the books have helped their own sex lives with their husbands.

It encourages them to make time for romance, not just sex. It seems that Stephenie Meyer has tapped into this wisdom, and written a story that reminds the reader (regardless of their age) that the anticipation of something is all part of the gratification you feel when you finally manage to get it.