Skating - Break the ice, by taking your date roller or ice skating at a local rink. Follow this up with hot chocolate and conversation in a cozy cafe.
Zen Date - Relax your date by taking them to a meditation or light-working session at the local Buddhist temple. Relax afterwards by enjoying a good meal in an Indian restaurant.
Do You Have a Future Together? - Visit your local psychic together to have your palms and tarot cards read. Get a past-life reading to see if you have known each other in a past incarnation.
Art Tour - Spend a day together visiting all the art galleries and museums that you can. Make sure you visit the gift shop of the museum to buy your love a token that expresses your appreciation of him or her.
Antique Hunting - Look in the papers and treat your date to a day of scouring antique markets and flea markets for treasures.
Mazes and Labyrinths - If your city has a maze, see if you and your date can get lost together inside it. Walking a labyrinth together is not only said to be good for the soul, but it will help you define your goals together.
What's For Dinner? - Sign the both of you up for a cooking class. You'll be giggling and feeding each other delicious tid-bits in no time.
Feng Shui Date - Visit your local China Town and hunt for lucky charms, windmills and small statues to bring the two of you health, wealth and happiness. Finish your shopping excursion off with a meal for two at a Chinese restaurant.
Dancing Lessons - Enroll the two of you in dancing lessons so that you can learn classic moves such as tango, ballroom dancing or square dancing. This is especially nice for seniors on a first date who wish to break the ice.
Play in the Snow - If its snowy outside take advantage of the weather and build an ice sculpture or snowman together. Get on a toboggan together and slide downhill (holding each other very close of course.) Finish the day off with a hot chocolate or apple cider in front of a crackling fire.
Love Letters - Buy special paper and pens and make a date to sit across from each other at a table and write each other a love letter - in front of each other! You can call this letter "Ten Things I Love About You." Then exchange the letters and read them out loud. Torrid romance almost always ensues right after this one!
King or Queen for A Day - Assign a date where you will treat your lover as if he or she is King or Queen for that day. The idea is that your date does not have to lift a finger while you meet every supply or demand. This package should include a foot rub as well as the proffering of the date's favorite foods.
The Sunrise Date - Surprise your date by calling them early in the morning and asking if they want to meet to watch the sunrise with you. Drive to a beach or some other beautiful location. Afterwards share a brunch at a cozy restaurant.
Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Is Love Painful?
Who hasn't experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of rejection? The pain of self doubt? The pain of fear? It's important to distinguish between love and totally separate feelings.
When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the “add-ons” of love. The love baggage, we might call it. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element of love. But experientially we know this isn't true.
Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?
Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?
When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.
If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.
If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel.
If you really want to remove the love baggage of fear and unhappiness, the first step is to improve your self awareness and self acceptance
When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the “add-ons” of love. The love baggage, we might call it. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element of love. But experientially we know this isn't true.
Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?
Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?
When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.
If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.
If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel.
If you really want to remove the love baggage of fear and unhappiness, the first step is to improve your self awareness and self acceptance
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